


if i could feel it all for you

by andorgyny



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-21
Updated: 2014-04-21
Packaged: 2018-01-20 07:55:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1502681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andorgyny/pseuds/andorgyny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His kisses linger, but then, her hands wander.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if i could feel it all for you

  
His kisses linger, but then, her hands wander.

To the Doctor, the whole world could be plunged back into the Darkness and he’d barely notice, what with Rose and her lips. Oh, he’s missed this. But then he’s missed so many things about his golden girl, like her hazel eyes and her hand in his and her breasts so pert and her laughter like the slow burn of that fine scotch her father’s got decanting in his office, like her humanity and how she saves him with the air in her lungs.

And now he knows that she knows how desperately he loves her. How completely he is hers.

She looks up at him through hot tears. “I’m scared this is a dream. I don’t want to wake up and find you universes away again.”

He nearly breaks. How many times has he dreamed of making love to Rose, only to wake up and find himself very much without her? The thought of never… of never having this life with her makes his blood runs cold.

“It doesn’t feel like a dream.” He pauses for a moment and grins. “After all, you weren’t wearing red lace underneath all of that Defender of the Earth garb.”

“And you came first,” she shoots back, tongue between her teeth. “That’s hardly the way it went in my dreams.”

His single heart lurches in his chest. “So… you’ve dreamed about this, then.”

“I suppose my subconscious needed to exercise some of that sexual frustration, Doctor.”

He runs a hand through her soft hair. She presses soft kisses against his chest. “I did too–dreamed of you, I mean to say.” Rose frowns, glancing up at him with questions dancing in those eyes. “I was human. With Martha. I had to change to keep us hidden from these rather nasty creatures, and so I changed my biology–”

“Like regeneration?”

The Doctor shakes his head. “Sorta the opposite, really–I kept my physical form, except I lost my binary vascular system and the ol’ Time Lord noggin, including memories and knowledge and… well.”

“That sounds awful,” she murmurs.

“Well, the changing wasn’t too fun. But… for a time, I–John Smith, I mean–was quite content. Until the end of it all.”

Her eyes betray her interest, but that’s one story he’ll save for a time in which they’re not high on the aftershocks of their lovemaking. He certainly doesn’t want her to start going on about how she fell in love with someone else while they’re all sweaty and gloriously naked.

That tact must be Donna piping up, he thinks with a twinge in his chest.

Perhaps his expression shutters a bit, because she changes the subject. “So, what did we do in those dreams of yours?” she asks, grinning cheekily at him. The Doctor presses his lips to her neck and jaw.

“The darkest of deeds,” he murmurs. “It was altogether too much and never, ever enough. I had you in so many places, Rose,” he adds and watches her pupils dilate. Her chest flushes. “And in so many ways. Then I’d wake up, images of this beautiful blonde girl running through my mind, and I’d ache for you, even if I didn’t remember you.”

She swallows. “Did you touch yourself afterwards?” Her nimble fingers scratch geometry lessons over his lower back.

“With John Smith’s puritanical views of sex?” She sketches isosceles triangles on his spine and smirks. “Of course I did. But it was such a struggle, though. Humans and your sexual hangups.”

“Oi, mister. You’re kinda one of us now.”

The Doctor chuckles and kisses her left breast. “Quite right. Anyway, even when I was me again, you were always there, in my dreams, when I got around to sleeping. In my waking hours, I’d think of you and oh, Rose, it hurt.” She slips her fingers up his spine and draws her big toe up to the back of his knee. He shudders.

“Someone offered to take my memories of you,” Rose whispers into his hair. “This Rumosian woman was visiting Earth on an academic trip, and apparently the Rumosians are pretty good with telepathy and neurology.”

He snorts. “‘Pretty good’ doesn’t cover it–after the Time Lords, they are pretty much the greatest experts on multispecies brain science around. And, well, the Time Lords are dead, so–”

“My story.” She runs her palms down to his arse and squeezes. Never one to be outdone, he licks around a nipple and is awarded a gasp for his efforts. “Her name was Li’an. She said she could dull th–the pain, move it to the back of my mind, or she could put a lock on my memories altogether, to keep me from accessing them at all.” He stiffens, knowing full well what he’d have done to keep Rose from hurting. What his other self must have already done to Donna, to save her from the metacrisis.

And there’s a topic he doesn’t want to touch with a ten-foot pole.

“What happened?” he asks, mentally shaking thoughts of Donna Noble from his head.

She smiles down at him and pulls his head up by his hair to look at her. “Well, obviously I said no thanks, yeah? I don’t let just anyone play around with my brain. And besides, memories of those days, runnin’ with you in the TARDIS, they kept me strong. Kept me fightin’.” The Doctor gazes up at her in awe. “What?”

“I’m just so in love with you,” he says simply. Rose’s breath hitches. “All that time, I just wanted to forget. So I did–with the Chameleon Arch, the device that turned my biology human.” He takes a breath. “And I… John Smith met someone.” He watches her carefully before continuing. “And in the end, she asked me if I could change back, and I could… but I wouldn’t.”

“Sounds a bit familiar,” Rose whispers.

“Yeah. But I realized, all of those experiences with people I’d lost, all of my feelings for you… I couldn’t let any of it go. That pain was a part of the man I’d become, and Rassilon smite me where I stand, but I was useless as a human.”

He feels her smile trail over his forehead. “Not anymore.”

“Yeah?”

Rose pulls his lips up to hers by his (frankly magnificent) head of hair. “Yes,” she says, honey eyes dark and warm, and snogs him blind.

* * *


End file.
